


Saving Grace

by TeaRexie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Addiction, Bulimia, Demon Blood, Demon Blood Addict Sam Winchester, Destiel - Freeform, Eating Disorders, F/F, Fallen Angel, M/M, binge eating, bulimic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaRexie/pseuds/TeaRexie
Summary: Grace is an angel, friends with Castiel. She is cast from Heaven when her feelings for another female angel are discovered. When she is cast down to Earth, she realises that she is human. She struggles to navigate sleeping, eating, drinking water, all things which she has never had to consider. All while hiding that she has been banished from Castiel.(I know that angels can see each other's true forms, but for the sake of this story, we're pretending that's not a thing lol)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Destiel
Kudos: 5





	1. You Can't Kill War, Kiddos

Note: This chapter is more about introducing Grace, this is following from 5x02.

Dean pulled out one of his phones, he had the guns, so he wanted to re-join his brother. He didn’t trust his brother alone, not yet. When the line went straight to voicemail, he walked out of the store and went down the road to the convenience store, where his brother was meant to be getting salt. Dean was sure he could manage that, but he still hadn’t left the store. In a town swimming with demons, he feared what was going on in Sam’s head. Too long, he thought. He went into the store and called “Sammy?” He saw his brother stand up, and walked between aisles to get to him. The demon blade was soaked with the blood of the two demons before him. Dean looked around at the blood and then to his brother. Sam held a saddened yearning in his eyes, and he knew that Dean could tell. They made it back to Ellen and started to prepare everyone to fight off the demons. Just long enough to escape. A girl appeared, with black hair reaching her shoulders, and deep green eyes. This came as no shock to Sam and Dean, but the rest of the room were startled. 

“Sam, Dean, I’ve been looking for you.” 

“But- the enochian on our ribs- how did you find us?” Sam questioned. 

“Bobby told me. This isn’t important, there’s something here that I’m supposed to stop. Or cause, I haven’t figured that out yet.” 

“You’re an angel?” Dean asked. 

“Grace, I’m with Castiel.” 

Dean tried to hide the disappointment on his face with a look of surprise, but the angel could sense his jealousy. She reassured him that they were just friends, and Dean couldn’t help but to grin. Sam looked at Dean, confused, does he like Cas? Dean filled Grace in on their mission, and gave her a gun with rock salt. 

“All due respect, but can’t I just blink in and kill the demons?” 

Sam and Dean looked to each other, then the angel, and nodded. Grace muttered something quietly to herself, it seemed like an insult to Dean. He went to ask her what she said, but she was gone. She could see all of the demons, but something felt off about them. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back in the safe room, Ellen was growing impatient. She feared for the safety of her daughter and wasn’t sure what Grace was. Sam and Dean told her about the angel, and that although they didn’t know her, she was good friends with Castiel. Ellen asked Sam if he trusted Castiel as much as Dean did, but he had spaced out. His palms were sweating, and his hands couldn’t stop shaking. He could vaguely hear Dean calling his name, but everything around him seemed distant. 

“Sammy!” Dean called, finally reaching Sam’s ears. 

“Something isn’t right, she should be back. I’ll go check on her,” Sam insisted. 

“Whoa Sammy, she’s got it covered, you’re staying here with Ellen and me. When she comes back, we get these people out.” 

“If something happens to Grace, no one is getting out.” 

“So, you’re the one that’s going to save us?”  
Dean really didn’t want Sam to go out to help Grace. He tried to talk him around, but Sam was desperate. It wasn’t about the people, not really, he missed the feeling more than anything. He could sense Dean’s concern, but he wanted it so badly, he didn’t care. Dean struggled to find words to stop him, and before he could think of anything, Sam bolted for the door. 

“Sammy?” Dean called out with a tone of anger. He tried to follow him, but Ellen stopped him from going anywhere. 

“It’s just demons, Dean. Sam can handle it,” she said, oblivious to Sam’s addiction. Dean sighed but he knew that it was pointless to argue with Ellen. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam headed straight for the house the demons were camped at. He could smell them from across the street. He busted through the back door, but there was someone waiting for him. He wasn’t a demon; he was sure of it. 

“You’re right, I’m a horseman.” 

“Are there actually any demons?” 

“Of course not, what you want is here,” the horseman took a vial out of his pocket, and Sam’s heartbeat began to rise. He recognised that the horseman was War. The horseman pushed Sam against the wall and opened the vial. 

“You want this, don’t you?” 

He pushed him onto the ground, took the vial and ran to find Grace. He downed the whole thing in seconds, and felt it rushing through him. He felt strong again, like he could handle anything. He searched the house until he found Grace, who was trying to convince the people inside that there were no demons. 

“Sam? How did you-” she could sense that he had been drinking demon blood, but she couldn’t understand how. There were no demons in the town. She looked to the empty vial in his hand and understood. He hadn’t had demon blood since he opened the cage, so his body was still adjusting. 

“Grace, we need to warn the others,” he said with more tension in his voice than intended. She nodded, smashed the vial and suddenly they were back in the room. 

“Sammy, what happened?” Dean was scared for his little brother; he was alone with demons. 

“There are no demons. It’s the horseman, War. He can alter what we see though, so we have to take him down.” 

While Dean was relieved that there were no demons, something in Sam’s eyes indicated that he wasn’t okay. For now, all that mattered was that he wasn’t drinking demon blood. Grace disappeared, and somehow, they just knew that this was their battle now. 

“Okay, War. That’s fricken great. How exactly are we planning to do this?” Dean huffed. 

“It’s the ring, he gets his power from the ring.” 

“Great, so cut off the finger, and that bastard loses his mojo.” 

“Sounds good to me,” Sam said, his focus getting lower by the second. Dean knew something was going on, but he shrugged it off. They had work to do. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grace looked around and she had been summoned in heaven. An angel in fishnets turned around to face her. She had short red hair and her eyes were hazel, but looked like they were burning. There was a bench just behind her, so she and the alternative angel sat down. 

“Grace, I wanted to talk to you about Sam Winchester,” she said. 

“Mercy? Why do you need to talk to me?” 

“Because you’re close to Castiel, the Winchester boys trust you. Now, me? I get halfway through a sandwich and they’re hauling my ass back up here.” 

“It’s only been a few months since we last spoke, why aren’t you allowed to leave heaven?” 

“Apparently angels need to keep a clean mouth. As if waitresses give a shit that some customer curses a lot. Anyway, Sam Winchester. The amount of demon blood that the horseman gave him… Dean will try to detox him if he finds out. Do not let Dean find out, but you need to keep getting demon blood to him.” 

“Isn’t the demon blood killing him?” 

“Look, he doesn’t see it yet, but he will say yes to Lucifer. The only way we stand a chance of stopping this whole thing is if Sam is the vessel. Lucifer won’t take him if he isn’t dosed up on this shit.” 

“But what if it kills him?” 

“Sending Lucifer into battle will kill him anyway. He’s already a dead man walking.” 

Grace knew that Mercy was right. If Sam lived through this, Lucifer won, which meant that his body would never be his again. She sat silently on the bench for a while, she didn’t think she could do it. No matter how good the outcome, this felt wrong. She noticed Mercy staring at her, and when she looked up, Mercy didn’t turn away. 

“You look afraid,” she said, “and that’s okay. You’re strong enough to do this.” 

Grace looked deeply into Mercy’s eyes, and she knew that she could be trusted. She nodded and, in a moment, Mercy disappeared. Grace wasn’t sure how she was going to do this, but she knew one thing. She had to get to Sam.


	2. Chick Flick Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace turns to a close friend for comfort when questioning her sexuality. Sam discovers why she was sent to find him.

Back in the safe room, people refused to believe that there were no demons. The horseman, War, started to turn them against each other. It was so easy to send everyone spiralling into chaos. While everyone else was busy fighting with each other, Ellen and Sam held down the horseman’s hand. He insisted that there was no way to stop him, but with one slice of his finger, the ring flung across the room. Silence. No longer under the effect of War, everyone was lost. Dean pocketed the bloody ring and made sure that everyone was okay. He heard the flapping of wings, and Grace appeared in front of him. 

“Oh, now she shows. Thanks for the help, you biblical son of a bitch,” Dean retorted. 

“Dean, I’m sorry, it’s not your destiny I’m here for,” Dean looked offended by Grace’s statement, “I’m here for your brother, Sam. I need to speak with him alone.” 

“Oh okay, nothing shady about that. You disappear as soon as it gets dangerous, but now I’m trusting you with Sam.” 

“Dean, please. I am sorry, I had intended to help you win this battle. I got summoned by one of my colleagues.” 

Dean looked angry, but he had nothing left to say. He looked at Sam, who tilted his head toward the ground. He wanted to talk to Grace. Dean sat at a table next to Ellen, and sighed with disbelief. Ellen could tell there were secrets being kept from her, but she could tell that the wounds were too fresh to bring up. Instead of saying anything, she just put a beer in front of Dean. 

“Sam, I know what you did,” Grace told him once they were out of earshot. 

“What, now heaven wants me to dry out?” 

“With the amount that you had today, that wouldn’t be wise. I can get you some on a regular basis, but you have got to cover up your tracks. Dean can’t know about this; he’ll just lock you up again.” 

“Wait a minute, you’re actually telling me that an angel wants to help me keep drinking demon blood?” 

“Not long term, Sam. If you don’t get more soon, it’ll kill you. Your role is too important for us to risk that.” 

“And why do the angels care which meatsuit Lucifer wears to the big show?” 

“Sam, I don’t have all the answers, only orders that I have to follow. It was clear, you need to keep drinking demon blood to be strong enough.” 

Grace pulled a flask out of her pocket, and Sam could tell that it carried demon blood. She told him that any time he needed it refilled, no matter when, to pray to her. He nodded hesitantly before drinking from the flask. He pocketed the flask, and when he looked up, Grace was gone. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grace went back to heaven to see Mercy, she needed to be calm. Mercy found her, an emotional wreck, and took her somewhere to lie down. They lay next to each other on a soft bed. Grace found it odd that they had beds for them in heaven, considering that they didn’t sleep. The angels looked into each other’s eyes and Mercy felt butterflies in her stomach. Mercy was more than familiar with feelings, that was why she couldn’t leave heaven in the first place. She rested her hand on Grace’s cheek as a tear slid down her face. Grace had never felt sad before. It was refreshing and she wasn’t scared of it because it felt right. She was being ordered to help a young man slowly kill himself, and for what? So that the angels could have a petty fight of their own? Mercy ran her fingers through Grace’s hair to calm her. She enjoyed how close she was to Mercy, and vanished when she realised what that meant. She had never heard angels speaking of sexuality, so she found her friend Castiel. Given that he rebelled against heaven for humanity, she thought he might understand. 

“Castiel.” 

“Grace.” 

“I need to talk to you about a delicate matter.” 

“How delicate? We may need some place more private.” 

“We definitely can’t speak here, where would you propose?” 

“I know someone that could help.” 

Castiel pulled out a cell phone and called Dean, asking where he was. In an instant, they were both in a motel room with Sam and Dean. Castiel took them both by the hand, and they were at a deserted shed. Sam and Dean were both shocked to see Castiel circling himself and Grace with holy oil. 

“Dean, I need you to light this. I’ll call you when we’re done.” 

“What’s happening?” he said, pulling out his lighter. 

“Grace and I need to have a private conversation. This way, no other angels could be listening in.” 

Dean agreed to light the holy oil and told Cas to keep in contact. Sam and Dean left the building so that they wouldn’t be listening in. Grace thanked Castiel for going to such lengths to keep her concerns quiet. 

“Now, what did you need, my friend?” he said. 

“What do you think our Father really thinks of people who-” 

“Grace, it’s okay.” 

“People who aren’t heterosexual?” 

Cas sighed, “Honestly, I don’t know. But I believe that people are special because they are unique. Why do you ask?” 

“I don’t think I am.” 

“Heterosexual?” 

She nodded, but her eyes didn’t move from her feet. He pulled her in close to his chest, and soothingly rubbed her back. He could feel warm tears rolling onto his coat. 

“Do you hate me?” 

“Grace, do you even need to ask?” 

She began to cry even more; she didn’t expect to be accepted by any angel. She was glad that her friend cared about her so deeply. When the tears had dried from her eyes, Cas called Dean to let them out. Cas smiled softly at her to let her know that no matter what, he had her back. Sam followed Dean back into the shed, and Dean put the fire out with his shoe. Grace quickly checked in with Sam before returning to heaven with Castiel. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Grace returned to heaven with Castiel, Mercy was waiting for her. She looked offended that she had left without warning. 

“Mercy, I’m sorry.” 

“What, you just take off with Castiel and I don’t get a reason?” 

“I should go,” Castiel said, turning away. 

“Thank you,” Grace said to him before he left. 

“What was that about?” 

“He was helping me.” 

“With?” 

“How I was feeling.” 

“This is about me, isn’t it?” 

Grace nodded slowly and Mercy turned away from her. Mercy felt so many emotions at once. Anger that Grace had just ditched her, empathy because she too had once felt the suffocating pressures of their Father, and relief because it meant that Grace had feelings for her too. Grace grabbed her shoulder to make Mercy face her. She took her hand and smiled at her.


	3. The One in The Dirty Trench Coat Who’s in Love with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this, I promised myself it wasn't going to turn into a Destiel fic.... oops  
> Btw I'll probably make a Spotify playlist for this story at some point.

“Why do you want me to give demon blood to Sam? I mean, why me?” Grace asked after sitting in silence with Mercy for what felt like eternity.  
“I don’t, not really. I was banished from Earth because I didn’t. If someone else finishes my orders, I’ll be allowed back. I want that more than anything.”  
“Okay so, what’s in it for me?”  
“You don’t get punished too. You misunderstand me, I don’t want you to fix up my mess, those were my orders. They’re your orders now.”  
Grace felt sympathy for Mercy, she couldn’t imagine a life without Earth. Heaven had rules, confinements, and no one really questioned anything. Humans were insightful, compassionate, capable of emotions that angels could only dream of. She knew that she would be suffering without Earth, but she didn’t want to do it to save herself. She wondered how much she would go through for Mercy. She closed her eyes and pictured a future post-apocalypse. Peaceful. When she opened her eyes, she was in a white room with a male angel in a white suit. Zachariah. He gestured to the seat, which Grace reluctantly sat in. He slid a contract across the table, and had a breach of contract circled in red. She didn’t remember signing a contract, did all angels have this? Why couldn’t she remember? She read the page which implied that any angel who shows attraction to an angel of the same sex loses the right to their grace. Tears began to fill her eyes; would she ever see Mercy again?

Grace awoke with a pounding headache and a growling stomach. She sat up to find she was in a bathroom of a motel. She walked into the main room and found the Winchester boys.  
“Sam? Dean?” she hugged them immediately, at least she still had something to cling on to.  
“Grace, what the hell happened? We haven’t seen you since your heart to heart with Cas,” Dean said.  
“Please don’t tell him, I’ve been banished from heaven. As far as I can tell, I’m human.”  
“Why are they so pissed at you?”  
“I admitted something in the shed, but worse, I acted on it.”  
Dean was starting to put the pieces together in his mind, but he still wasn’t sure.  
“I started falling for an angel, Mercy.”  
This statement confirmed his suspicions, she’d been banished for being gay. He felt sick to his stomach, knowing that whoever was in charge upstairs these days could be so discriminative. Sam offered her a glass of water, since she was human now, she probably needed to catch up on some human needs.  
“We’ll help you however we can, and we won’t tell him if you don’t want us to. But I still think you should talk to him about this, he could help you,” Sam added. They refrained from calling Castiel by name in case he could listen in. Grace could feel hunger rising inside of her, she had a feeling she would feel hungry for all the time that her vessel didn’t eat.  
“I uh, I think I need food,” she said. Sam and Dean nodded at each other, and Sam decided to take Grace to a convenience store while Dean would keep Cas occupied at the motel. Sam wondered what excuse he was going to use, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Dean tossed Sam the keys to the Impala and said, “take care of my baby”. Sam chuckled a bit, sometimes he thought Dean would be a good parent, given how protective he was of his car. Grace sat silently next to Sam for the whole drive there.

“Room 20, Holiday Inn,” Dean started to say as he heard the angel appear behind him. He felt him close behind him and when he turned around, their faces were close enough to kiss. Awkwardly, Dean stepped back and sat on the bed.  
“Why am I here?” Cas tilted his head slightly at Dean while sitting on the other bed.  
“What’s up with you? I mean, everything okay upstairs?”  
“Sure, Dean. What do you need?”  
“Nothing, I just missed seeing you.”  
Castiel gasped slightly, he wasn’t sure how he was meant to feel in this situation. He read slightly into Dean’s mind, he could do that from time to time. He could sense an element of sadness and fear.  
“What’s concerning you, Dean?”  
“It’s Sam, something isn’t right about him. When we thought there was a town of demons, he just wasn’t all there.”  
“Have you considered that he may feel regret about Lilith?”  
“I don’t think it’s that. I think he misses the demon blood.”  
Castiel sighed and sat next to Dean to comfort him. He rested his hand on Dean’s shoulder and lightly massaged it. Dean wasn’t sure what the angel was doing, but he felt better, just knowing that he was there.

Sam got out of the car with Grace and locked it behind him. Sam told Grace that she could get whatever food she wanted, and given how long it had been since her vessel was fed, he didn’t put a restriction on how much. She picked out a cake, some chocolate wafers and a bag of chips. She went up to the counter with Sam and after purchasing the food, Grace just wanted to eat. Sam thought that was reasonable, so they sat outside and he watched Grace basically inhale the food.  
“Take it easy there, Grace. I know you’re hungry but if you eat too fast, you’ll-”  
She felt something fighting from her stomach, and suddenly everything was coming back up. Sam felt his shoe grow warm, which grossed him out, but for now he just wanted to make sure Grace was okay. He passed her a bottle of water, and she sipped on it slowly. She felt a bit sick, but she also felt a warm sense of relief that she hadn’t felt before. Part of her was inclined to believe that she enjoyed it. She didn’t mention this to Sam, she didn’t think it was a big deal. She knew that Sam was worried though, so what she just did wasn’t good. Sam grabbed the unopened chocolate wafers and put them in the car. He supported Grace to the washroom and told her that she should get cleaned up. While she was washing her face, Sam tried to clean his shoe. They both returned to the car, and Sam put on some music so that they wouldn’t just sit silently as they did before. The song Sleeping My Day Away by D-A-D starting playing, and Sam tapped to the music on the steering wheel. When they got back to the motel room, they didn’t knock before entering. Grace opened the door to see Castiel’s lips attached to Dean’s.  
“Cas?” she said.  
“Sam!” Dean said.  
“Dean?” Sam said.  
“Grace?” Cas said.  
They all stared at each other, no one had any words to say. Castiel straightened his trench coat, attempting to cover up the situation. Silently, Grace was happy that she wasn’t the only one. Sam saw this coming, but he’d rather not have to actually see it.  
“Just to clarify, if we hadn’t have shown up when we did, would you have-” Sam stopped himself from finishing that question, unsure if he wanted know the answer. Castiel tilted his head to the side, he didn’t know what Sam was implying. He turned to Dean for answers. Dean whispered in his ear, he was very uncomfortable about having this conversation in front of his little brother.  
“Maybe-” Cas started to say.  
“Woah Cas,” Dean jumped in, “What are you guys doing here anyway?”  
“A case! We found a case,” Grace improvised.  
“Oh, yeah, big murder thing going down,” Sam went along with it. Castiel still didn’t understand why Grace was there, but he was even more confused about Dean. He went back to heaven, leaving Grace, Sam and Dean confused, but he needed time to clear his head.


	4. Demon Blood Is Better Than Ovaltine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is sad because he thinks Dean doesn't want to kiss him. It's the awkwardness you'd expect from someone who just has no idea about anything. Grace starts to worry about Sam drinking demon blood.

Dean sat on the end of the bed, wondering why the angel had left him. He worried that he may have hurt his feelings. Although Sam was still in shock from his brother’s interest in Castiel, he had more pressing matters to deal with. His hands were already shaking just from an hour without the demon blood. He was out, and Grace had been cut off from heaven, which meant he needed another way. He had an idea, but there was no way he could do it with his brother there. An idea quickly became a plan. Step one, keep Dean away. It was almost night, so Dean would be getting rested up to drive tomorrow soon. Grace had a lot of sleep to catch up on, so he would go alone to summon a demon. He would trap it and get all of the blood that he could. There were two empty 3-litre jugs of milk, so he would rinse them and fill them with demon blood. He couldn’t stop, not now. His hands were already shaking, and he could feel his breath escaping him. He walked to an abandoned building, and painted a demon trap. He summoned a demon and stabbed at their waist, so that he could put one of the jugs under the wound. He then stabbed into their chest, making sure that the demon was dead. Once he had filled both jugs, he drank directly from the body. He wanted to save both jugs for later, so he was going to drink as much as he could now. He wiped over his face and put both jugs in a bag, hidden with some clothes in a backpack. He put the bag on his back and walked back to the hotel, he could feel everything more deeply now. He felt strong and had an energy that he couldn’t describe with words. He felt good again. He walked back into the room, where Grace was awake and sitting upright.  
“Where were you?” she asked, although she was sure she knew the answer already.  
“I just wanted to stock up on stuff we need for the road.”  
“You need.”  
“Pardon?”  
“You mean, what you need.”  
He sighed and nodded at her with defeat. He put the backpack on the ground and sat down next to her. She could see the pain in his eyes, and she knew how much he hated himself because of it.  
“You could always phase it out,” Grace suggested.  
“But what about-”  
“Screw the angels, this is killing you.”  
Sam wasn’t ready to stop, but he knew she was right. He went to protest, but Dean rolled over as he woke up. Sam turned to his brother and stood up. He pulled out the laptop and showed Dean an article.  
“Three people murdered in the same bar, no liver found in any of the bodies. Sounds like our kind of thing.”  
“That or someone has some unique fetishes.”  
“Yeah,” Sam chuckled. Dean made breakfast for the three of them, and they got ready to hit the road. Sam went to the bathroom, making sure that Dean didn’t notice the backpack by his side. He locked himself in and pulled out one of the jugs. He started to drink from it and wasn’t sure when to stop himself. When he could finally manage to stop, he looked at the 3-litre jug which was now only half full. He was scaring himself. Dean knocked on the bathroom door.  
“Sammy, you okay in there?”  
“Just a second,” he called out, “I’ll meet you in the car.”  
He washed his face and hands, put the jugs back in the bag and opened the door slightly. He made sure that his brother was gone before putting the backpack over his shoulders. Grace was still in the room, and she gave him a concerned look.  
“Let’s go,” Sam said.

Castiel was spending some time away from Dean, tending to other orders from Zachariah, who had assumed charge for the time being. He felt hurt, Dean seemed very against anything further with the angel. He found it difficult to stay distracted, as most of his goal was meant to be to get Dean to say yes. He suddenly heard Dean’s voice in his head, so he must be praying to him.  
“Oh heavenly Castiel, I speak your name wi- this is stupid. Cas, I think it was something I said. I just want you to know, I uh, I only stopped because my brother was there. Cas, if you’re listening- you’re probably not listening, this was stupid. Uhh, Sam and I are on the road, we’ll be at the Llywelyn’s Pub in an hour.”  
Castiel couldn’t help but smile, he felt in this moment that Dean’s “people skills” might be as “rusty” as his. He knew he would be there but he wasn’t sure whether to show himself. Not at first, anyway. He decided to wait outside of the pub, but hidden so that no humans would approach him. He knew the location of their last hotel so he started to walk down the main road in that direction. After about twenty minutes, he saw the Impala in the distance. He blinked into the back of the car, still not visible. Sam and Dean were arguing about Black Sabbath’s best song. Castiel had no idea what a black sabbath was, or why it made noise, but he couldn’t ask them while they couldn’t see him. There was music playing from the speakers which alarmed the angel, it was the song Supernaut by Black Sabbath, which had started their conversation in the first place.  
“No doubt, this song is cool. But I’m just not sure it’s my favourite,” Sam insisted.  
“Okay, take your pick then.”  
“I don’t know, Dean. Children of the Grave is up there. End of the day, I just don’t think I could pick one Black Sabbath song.”  
“Now that, I agree with.”  
Sam and Dean had left the hotel with Grace, but she had some “personal business” to attend to before she met them there. Sam wanted to question that, she wasn’t an angel anymore, where was she going? But she persuaded Sam that she would be less likely to be discovered alone.

Dean pulled into the car park of the pub, still wondering if his angel would show. Castiel stood behind him, afraid to show himself, unsure if Dean really wanted him there. Sam excused himself to the bathroom, which Castiel thought nothing of at the time. Dean sat by a table in front of the pub, resting his arm slightly on it. He looked down at his feet and sighed.  
“Cas, please.”  
“I’m sorry Dean,” Castiel said, appearing in front of him. Dean looked up at him with a sense of relief, he hadn’t bailed on him. Castiel could hear Sam leaving the bathroom, and remembered what Dean had said. He didn’t want to make Dean uncomfortable around Sam, so he vanished. He didn’t return to heaven, he couldn’t help but stay to listen in.  
“You okay?” Sam asked Dean.  
“I’m fine.”  
“You sure you’re okay? You’ve got that look.”  
“I said I’m fine, Sam.”  
Castiel looked at the pain in Dean’s face and wondered if he was doing the right thing. He was too distracted by Dean’s pain to realise that something was awfully different with Sam.


	5. A Whole New Level of Freak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tries to hide his addiction from Dean and Castiel. Grace is distancing herself from the Winchesters to shelter them from her newly developed human issues.

Grace was hiding in an abandoned house near a field. From what she could find in the house, whoever had once lived there was now dead. She figured that she needed an angel-proof place to stay in case there were angels on her tail now. She also didn’t want Cas to find out about her human issues, so she would indulge in them there. Ever since her first food experience, she couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of throwing up. She knew she couldn’t tell Sam and Dean, they would try to stop her. She covered the inside walls of the house with sigils, she wanted to keep everything out. When she was done, she found human ways to steal, and stole from any food place she could find until they got suspicious. She returned to the house and hid herself in the bathroom, shovelling cake, pastries, and more into her mouth. She drank water throughout, she had considered ways to make this part easier. She bent over the toilet and shoved her fingers down her throat. She knew it was wrong, but it felt like she deserved it. This was her way to remind herself she was human, that she was broken. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So get this,” Sam said, “I got the body reports back and none of them had any marks around their livers.” 

Dean rolled over in his bed, facing away from Sam. 

“Dean, are you listening?” 

“Yeah, okay. So, what does that mean?” 

“It means that whatever did this really knew what they were doing.” 

Dean muttered a complaint under his breath, he didn’t want to go anywhere. Sam sighed and told Dean he needed to use the bathroom before they headed out. Dean got himself up and put on his jeans. Meanwhile in the bathroom, Sam pulled one of the jugs of demon blood out of the bag and had enough to keep him going. He washed his face and gave out a disappointed sigh at his reflection. It seemed that once he opened the gate, everything started to crumble. Within a week of meeting Grace, she was human, he hadn’t seen Castiel since the motel, and Dean was definitely more out of it than usual. Sam felt like too much else was going on to fix himself. He put the jug back in the bag and closed it. He was worried sick about his brother, so he prayed quietly to Castiel. 

“Cas, he needs you. Please.” 

Sam heard Dean stumble and opened the door immediately. 

“Dean? What happened?” 

“I fell.” 

“You… fell?” 

“Don’t fall for angels, Sam. Promise me you won’t.” 

“You’re drunk,” Sam said, scanning the room, “aren’t you?” 

“It’s 9am, why aren’t you?” 

Dean started to fall again, so Sam supported him. He put his arm over Dean’s shoulder and sat him next to the desk. They both heard the fluttering of angel wings, and Castiel appeared in front of them. Dean slouched back into the chair and raised another beer to the angel. Castiel teleported to his side and took the beer from him. Dean went to take it back from him, but he was already on the other side of the room. 

“Dean, what’s going on with you?” Sam asked while a concerned angel watched him from across the room. 

“You want to know what’s wrong with me?” Dean scoffed. 

“What do you-” 

“You haven’t been,” Dean struggled to string a sentence together, “here, well not really here, since the War thing. Cas on the other hand just vanishes while I’m in another Sam crisis. I need him.” 

Dean laughed slightly and Castiel’s concern only grew. He felt guilty for leaving Dean but he also knew that he was more focused on Sam. Sam’s gaze dropped to the floor, he didn’t want to talk about the demon blood. If he talked about it with Dean, he would make him stop. Castiel vanished to search the room without the boys watching him. He reappeared holding Sam’s open backpack. He took the two jugs of demon blood out, one of them was completely empty. Dean looked Sam in his tear-filled eyes and could see how disappointed he was in himself. 

“Sammy,” Dean felt dizzy but he tried to stand. Castiel dropped the beer and was immediately at his side to help him up. With the help of Castiel, Dean walked over to Sam and hugged him. He let all of his body weight rest on Sam. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean lay on the bed, completely motionless. Sam told Castiel to watch over his brother, he still wanted to look into the case. Castiel agreed and sat over Dean, watching him sleep peacefully. Castiel kept the full jug of demon blood, much to Sam’s dismay, but he knew that he couldn’t get it back. As Sam left the room, Dean stirred. 

“Cas? What happened?” 

“You collapsed. Sam is working a case.” 

Castiel saw Dean’s face quickly fill with panic, so he reassured him that he had the rest of Sam’s demon blood. This should have brought Dean comfort, but he’d seen how bad he got before killing Lilith. He attacked both himself and Bobby, he was so desperate. He knew that once he started again, there was no stopping him once he was alone. He looked into Castiel’s eyes, he was still quite tipsy. It was only 12pm, so he must have only been asleep for a couple of hours. He felt comfort in knowing that the angel was there. He moved himself closer to Castiel and his lips pressed against his. He hoped that Sam wouldn’t interrupt them, he didn’t want to stop this time. Castiel took control as Dean was still somewhat weak. He laughed through a smile as Dean tried to pull down his pants, and tossed them aside. He gently lowered Dean onto the bed and lifted his shirt off. Dean grabbed Castiel’s tie and let it slide through his fingers, dropping it to the floor. Dean ran his fingers through the angel’s hair as their bodies became close. Castiel began to unbutton his shirt as Dean removed his belt. 

“Is this okay?” Castiel wanted to make sure that Dean was comfortable. 

“Yes, more than okay,” he replied and Cas continued to unbutton his shirt. Dean let his hand feel every movement in Castiel’s back as he left hickeys on his neck. Although Dean hated how weak he was, he loved that Castiel was taking control. Castiel worried that he would hurt Dean if he moved him, so his kisses lowered to his waist. He had never given someone a blowjob, so he hoped that his knowledge from porn would be enough. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam was having little success checking out the crime scene, everything was clean. No traces that anyone but the people murdered had been there. He had a sick thought, maybe it was just a human that did this? He shuddered at the thought, with murders this clean, they wouldn’t ever be stopped. He looked at the time and realised that he hadn’t had demon blood for two hours. His hands started shaking again and his body started to need it. He felt pathetic, but he knew that he needed to find some. A small part of him wanted to stop, but his body said anything but. His body was becoming weak and didn’t know how to function without demon blood. He thought about summoning a demon and drinking them dry, then quickly dismissed that thought. He went to the library to do what distracted him most, research. He looked at a collection of books and everything blurred in front of him. He felt dizzy, but he was determined to distract himself, whatever it took. He checked out a couple of books from the library and walked to the café next door. There was one thing on his mind now, coffee. The solution to everything, right? He ordered a double shot espresso and sat himself at a table. He tried to focus on the words of the pages before him, but they only became more blurred. He finished his coffee and stood to leave the table. He felt all energy drift from his body as everything turned to greyscale. As he fell towards the ground with books in his hands, he called out, “Castiel.”


	6. I Wish To God I Could Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **** TRIGGER WARNING ****  
> It's pretty obvious from the tags, but this chapter gets really dark. If it's likely to trigger you, please do not read (although if you're going to anyway, just be careful)
> 
> Sam suffers from withdrawal and pleads for Castiel's help at an inconvenient time. Grace re-enters the Winchesters' lives and they begin to question her mental health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **** SERIOUSLY, TRIGGER WARNING ****

Dean lay cradled in Castiel’s arms, he could feel his back against his chest. The angel looked kissed Dean softly as his eyes opened. 

“Cas?” Dean looked up at the angel. 

“Are you feeling better?” He wanted to make sure that Dean had recovered from his previous state. When Dean nodded, Castiel helped him to his feet. He then turned to pick his shirt up from the ground, before he was interrupted. Dean grabbed Castiel’s wrist and made him face him. 

“Cas, wait,” Dean said, “Thank you.” 

Dean looked into the angel’s eyes and felt Castiel move closer to him. He rested a hand on Castiel’s cheek as their lips latched on to each other. Already mostly undressed, Dean pulled his cock out from his jocks. Castiel worked his hand up and down Dean’s cock as small moans escaped his mouth. When his cock became hard, he pushed Castiel against the bed so that he was bent over. Dean rubbed lube along his cock and slowly put the tip in Castiel’s ass. As Dean went further into him each time, his moans got louder. He kept a steady pace at first, he didn’t want to hurt Castiel. After all, he’d never done this before. 

“Dean, faster,” Castiel moaned desperately as he gripped the bed. Dean obliged, thrusting himself into Castiel with both hands on his hips. He pulled Castiel into him and felt himself getting close. He pounded into the angel’s ass and erupted inside of him. 

“Cas,” Dean gasped. 

“Sam,” Castiel said, suddenly raising his head. Dean looked confused and upset, he was lost for words. Castiel realised that he had just recited his brother’s name while making love to him. 

“I- Dean, I’m sorry. It’s Sam, he called for me.” 

Castiel waited for a response from Dean, who just nodded and grabbed his clothes. Castiel picked up his shirt from the floor and started to dress himself. He rushed Dean and considered that he may not be strong enough to help, but that he would try to either way. Dean grew more fearful as he saw the urgency in Castiel’s face. Once Dean had dressed himself, Castiel rested his hand on his shoulder, and suddenly they were both at a library. Dean searched the floor until he heard Castiel say his brother’s name. He ran up the stairs where Castiel was trying to get Sam back on his feet. 

“Sammy? What the hell happened?” Dean asked, Sam’s face ghostly pale. 

“I- I fainted.” 

“You fainted… doing research?” 

“Dean, I haven’t had demon blood, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Dean looked at his feet instantly, he wasn’t sure if he believed him. Sam was hiding his addiction before, what was to say that he wouldn’t just hide it again now? 

“Sam, we need to get you to the hotel,” Castiel gave a warm but scared smile to the young Winchester. Castiel assumed that he fainted because of withdrawal, but wasn’t sure whether to help him phase it out. Phasing it out meant that he would still continue to drink demon blood, which he definitely didn’t support. Even if Castiel thought that option was best, he knew that Dean would try to stop him. They started to walk back to the hotel and didn’t speak a word the whole way back. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grace sat on the hard bathroom floor with the familiar smell of bile and empty bags of food. She felt worse than she did when she was hungry, but she couldn’t stop herself from eating more. She wondered how the Winchesters were doing. She wanted to teleport to them, but without her grace, she was stuck catching buses or taxis. Like anyone else. Like humans. She remembered the destination that they were headed to, and decided to try to book a cab. She walked to a shop and asked them how to book a cab, so the guy behind the counter gave her the basic information. He let her borrow his phone, and watched her fail to communicate over the phone. 

“Hi, uh- I want to get to Llywelyn’s Pub. P- please,” she remembered to add. 

“Where from and when?” 

“As soon as possible, uh- where am I?” she asked the guy at the counter. She gave the taxi driver the address and thanked them. She smiled at the guy and thanked him for letting her use his phone. She sat outside of the shop, it felt strange needing to wait to go somewhere. She got in the taxi and talked to the driver about how cars worked. The taxi driver found this odd considering that she looked 30, but they told her everything they could. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam looked at the time, he hadn’t had demon blood in seven hours. How long was I unconscious for? he thought. He saw a tie on the floor and realised that Castiel was no longer wearing a tie. His hear looked noticeably messy and Dean didn’t have a belt on his jeans. 

“Oh no,” he accidentally said aloud. 

“Sam? What’s wrong?” Castiel rushed to his side. 

“When I called for you- I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?” 

“No Sam, we were done.” 

“Cas!” Dean buried his face in his hands, this couldn’t be happening. Sam chuckled slightly, until he realised that meant Castiel was thinking about him after sleeping with his brother. Yikes. Sam was quite glad when his train of thoughts was disrupted by a knock at the door. Dean opened the door slightly and saw Grace’s face. He stepped outside, making sure that Castiel didn’t see her before he closed the door. 

“We’re with Cas, I can book you a room,” he told her, not wanting her to be restless if Castiel stayed. She hugged Dean, and though he didn’t expect it, he embraced her. After booking Grace a room, Dean returned to the room with Cas. When Grace was sure that Dean was gone, she snuck out and headed to the buffet offered to guests. What she didn’t know was that Dean had another key to her room. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a couple of hours since Dean booked Grace a room, he needed an excuse to check on her. 

“I’m gonna go get us some more beers,” Dean told the others. He knew that he had to be quick, once he had left the room, he ran. He knocked on Grace’s door but got no response. 

“Grace?” Dean called out. 

“Grace, it’s Dean, open up.” 

When he still got no response, he pulled out his key, worried that something had happened to her. He unlocked the door and saw the room was filled with empty soup containers and buckets of ice cream. He heard quiet choking from the bathroom. He knocked on the bathroom door and shortly heard the toilet flush. She washed her hands and face before opening the door. 

“Dean? What’s up?” she said, pulling her sleeve down to cover her knuckles. 

“You tell me,” he said with both disappointment and concern. 

“I just ate too quickly,” she lied. From the number of empty containers, Dean knew this was no accident. He sat on the end of her bed and gestured for her to join him. 

“Cut the crap, Grace. I know what’s going on. How long?” 

“It was just today, I got out of control-” 

“How long?” he said, sterner. 

“Since I fell, when Sam took me to eat, it really was an accident. I-” she looked down at her feet, “I enjoyed it.” 

Dean looked her up and down and gave her a sad look. Her eyes were already swollen from purging, and tears started streaming down her face. Dean pulled her into a hug and promised her that he would do whatever it took. Dean’s phone started ringing, it was Sam. 

“Dean?” said Sam. 

“Sammy, I’ll-” he looked at Grace and realised that there was no point lying to him, “room 15.” 

“Dean?” 

Before Sam could ask any questions, Dean hung up the phone. He left the door slightly open so that Sam could just come in. Sam walked through the door, looking at all the empty containers on the floor. He noticed that the light was still on in the bathroom. He saw the distressed look in Dean’s eyes as well as the swelling in Grace’s. 

“Grace, do you have any idea what you’re doing?” Sam said, he knew people in his college that were hospitalised for the same thing. 

“Sammy, take it easy.” 

“Dean, she could be giving herself stomach ulcers, heart palpitations, Boerhaave syndrome... do I need to go on?” 

Grace suddenly felt something move in her stomach and she realised, she didn’t get everything up. She tuned out Dean’s response, she needed to get back. She covered her ears and bolted between the boys into the bathroom. 

“I get that Sammy, I do, but do you think that helps her?” Dean said in the background. They noticed that Grace was moving towards the bathroom, but she closed the door before they could stop her. She locked the door behind her and turned the tap on. She knew that they could tell what she was doing, but she didn’t care. She was desperate. 

“Grace? I want to clarify, I’m not angry, just worried,” Sam told her through the door. He got no response; he didn’t even hear her gagging anymore. Sam and Dean started banging on the door, trying to bust it open. When the door finally budged, it swung wide open. There was blood on Grace’s fingers and she was unconscious on the floor.


	7. Nobody Hates You More Than You Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace is in the ER following the last chapter, so that's fun. Sam is part of Grace's major plan to get her shit together. Castiel gets involved, that's also exciting.

Castiel sat on the end of the bed, Sam and Dean had been gone for a while. He stood up and left the room, he wanted to make sure that they were okay. He saw Sam walking out of another room holding Grace unconscious in his arms. He stood motionless for a minute; he didn’t understand what was happening. Several questions entered his mind, what happened to Grace? Why were the Winchesters hiding it from him? She didn’t appear to have any wounds, so why was she unconscious? Dean saw Castiel watching Sam in disbelief, he was on the phone with emergency services. 

“Llywelyn’s Pub, she just passed out, but she was throwing up blood,” Dean told them, “Okay, thank you.” 

About a minute later, an ambulance arrived, and Sam carried Grace into the back. Dean gestured for Castiel to come with them, he still had no clue what was going on. 

“Dean, what happened?” Castiel said once the vehicle was moving. 

“She’s human and now she’s sick,” Dean summarised. 

“Why did she-” as Castiel spoke, he realised why her grace was taken from her. Zachariah found out. 

Grace opened her eyes, she was in a white room with a small television, a white curtain, a chair, and a heart monitor. She was in a bed with a tube attached to her, she was very uncomfortable. 

“Grace,” she heard, it was Castiel. 

“Castiel, I- I'm sorry,” she replied. 

“Grace, the blame doesn’t fall on you. The nurse suspects you have something called ‘bulimia’, is that true?” 

“What? No, I’m fine.” 

“You’re not fine. Grace-” 

Castiel was going to question her further, but he was interrupted by the nurse. She told him to leave the room so that she could do some tests. He walked out of the room and sat next to Sam and Dean in the hallway. He sighed deeply and sank into the chair. Dean took his hand and rested it on his knee. Sam would usually feel awkward being the third wheel, but he was too concerned about Grace to notice. Sam and Dean had told Castiel everything, including how desperate she was to continue even when they were there. Sam stood up suddenly and excused himself to get a snack. He left the building and paced on the street. He hadn’t had demon blood in over 24 hours, his body wasn’t coping, and he desperately wanted something to distract him from Grace. He ran to the underground car park and summoned a demon in a trap. He drank the demon dry, he wasn’t sure when he would get the opportunity again. He hid the body in the janitor closet and washed the demon trap off of the ground. He washed his face and returned to the hallway. He sat alone outside for a second, Dean and Castiel had entered the room to check on Grace. He looked at his hand which was no longer shaking and walked into the room. 

“Grace, I’m sorry,” Sam said, “I was just worried.” 

Grace nodded and gave him a faint smile. She turned on the television and flipped through multiple channels. 

“Dude, what are you doing? That was-” Dean cut himself off, not wanting to admit his guilty pleasure, Dr Sexy MD. 

“Uh, never mind, keep channel flipping.” 

The nurse entered the room again with a platter of food. There was a soup and some bread with butter. She looked at the food fearfully and the nurse put a glass of water in front of her. 

“You don’t have to eat it all,” she said, “But you have to keep everything down. Okay?” 

She nodded and the nurse turned to Sam, Dean, and Castiel. 

“She can’t use the bathroom 30 minutes after eating. Just press the button if you have any troubles.” 

She left the room and they all turned to watch Grace. She wanted to disappear behind the soup, she knew she had to eat because they were watching, but she dreaded it. Sam worried about the pressure they were putting on her just by being there, so he left the room. Dean and Castiel got the hint and followed shortly after. 

“I- I don’t understand, how did this happen?” Castiel questioned the Winchesters. 

“She got her ass thrown out of heaven-” Dean started to say. 

“Not that, what happened with food? Isn’t eating a requirement?” 

“Cas, she doesn’t know how to eat like a human. She went overboard and enjoyed the feeling.” Sam told him. 

“Why didn’t she talk to me?” 

“Well, you’re still an angel, she probably just thought you wouldn’t understand.” 

Castiel’s head lowered, he didn’t want anything bad to happen to Grace. Castiel returned to Grace’s side, as much as she deserved privacy, they had also been told not to let her use the bathroom. This was all new to the angel, he wasn’t sure how to help her, or if he even could. Sam and Dean sat outside of the room to make sure that there wasn’t too much pressure on her. 

“How are you feeling?” Castiel asked Grace. 

“Nauseous, probably from medication. What part of bulimic don’t they understand?” 

“So, it is true, you’ve been… what’s the term?” 

“Binging and purging? Basically, yeah.” 

“How do I- how do I help you?” 

Sam and Dean were sitting outside of the room when they saw Castiel running down the hallway towards them. They both stood abruptly and raced into the room. Grace was sitting next to an empty tray in the bathroom and blood was running down her arm. Dean spotted a sigil across the room which was used to expel Castiel from the room. 

“Grace, tell me you didn’t...” Castiel said with a concerned tone. 

“You were going to stop me,” she replied. Dean had tears begging to reach the surface, how had she gotten this bad? Sam wanted to help her, but anything he said would be redundant. He was an addict, after all. 

“I’m trying to help you,” there was obvious anger in Castiel’s voice. 

“Castiel, you can’t help me. But he can,” Grace pointed past the angel, to Sam. Sam couldn’t do it, it was too much pressure. He was stuck in the cycle of demon blood, why would he be able to get her out of the binge/purge cycle? Castiel looked at him with pleading eyes and knew, he had no choice. He sighed and sat next to Grace on the floor. He nodded at Dean and Castiel, giving them a look that told them to leave. 

“Grace, if you were struggling with this, you should have come to us. I understand keeping Cas in the dark, but we could have helped. Hell, we still can. We’re not giving up until you’re better,” Sam told her. 

“I- I don’t know if I even want to be better. You’re barely poster boy for mental health yourself. When’s the last time you got your fix, huh? Your brother know you’re still slitting demon throats for kicks?” 

“I’m not-” 

“Save the speech, I can see it Sam. The high you get from drinking it. Here’s the deal, get yourself clean and I’ll get my shit together with food.” 

“I can’t do that.” 

“Sam, please. I can’t do this without you, and I know you can’t do this with Dean. He’ll make you suffer the withdrawal no matter how bad it gets. I’ll help you phase it out if you help me phase this out. Please.” 

Sam sighed, his glance focused on the ground. He nodded slowly to Grace, he wasn’t ready to stop, but he guessed that she wasn’t ready to either. He was terrified but part of him just wanted to be free again. Maybe together, they could do this. Maybe, just maybe, there was still hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, go Team Our-Will-Freaking-Sucks, right?


	8. Keep Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comforts a distraught Castiel 😏  
> Sam and Grace both continue to struggle with their recovery.

Dean and Castiel sat on the end of the motel bed, they wanted to give Grace some privacy. Castiel had zapped them back to the room they were in before and lay down slowly on his side. All the energy drained from his body and Dean could see the defeated look on his face. He lay down next to Castiel and felt the angel become tense, like he knew the conversation they were about to have and wanted out. Dean sensed that Castiel didn’t want to talk so instead kissed him. Their lips parted briefly and Dean saw a glimmer of joy in Castiel’s eyes before he re-attached his lips to Dean’s. 

“Are you sure you want-” Dean started to ask Castiel. 

“Yes, Dean,” Castiel interrupted, “yes.” 

Castiel turned onto his back and rested his arms next to his side. Dean ran his fingers through Castiel’s hair and explored his mouth with his tongue. Castiel pulled his pants down to his knees and dug his fingers into Dean’s back. He shuddered with pleasure as Dean left hickeys on his chest. Dean gripped the tip of the angel’s cock and stroked at an increasing pace. Castiel could feel himself getting harder by the second. The angel quickly became hard to Dean’s touch and he placed the tip of his cock in his mouth. Dean sucked gently on the tip and swirled his tongue around the angel’s hard cock. Castiel gripped tightly onto the bed sheets and moaned quietly. Dean pushed his cock further into his mouth and felt the tip reach the back of his throat. Castiel’s moans became louder and he felt the release. Dean swallowed as Castiel let go of the sheets, his grip loosening. Castiel panted and Dean rested the back of his head on his chest. 

Back at the hospital, Grace was being kept until they were sure that she had enough nutrients in her body. She sat up in the bed with Sam sitting on a chair beside her. She noticed that Sam’s hands were already shaking again, but she couldn’t keep an eye on him while stuck in the ward. She grabbed one of his hands and his gaze darted to her suddenly, like a long train of thought had been interrupted. Sam was considering ways to help Grace without helping himself. He really didn’t want to stop drinking demon blood. 

“Grace, my first thought is to ditch out and get my hands on more blood. Are you sure I’m the right person for this?” 

“That’s exactly why you’re the right person. I sent Castiel away so I could purge, so I’m as desperate as you are. Maybe this way, we can at least try to keep each other on track.” 

Sam chuckled a bit to himself. 

“What is it, Sam?” 

“Well, ‘Team Free Will’ was about, well... free will. My will has basically consisted of destroying myself.” 

“We need a new name. How about ‘Team Our-Will-Freaking-Sucks’?” 

“Wordy, but I like the accuracy.” 

“We can figure out a shorter version later…” 

“No, Grace, it’s perfect.” 

Sam smiled at her and noticed her looking down to his hand. He knew that she was checking whether he was shaking yet. His hand was fairly steady but he seemed to be growing more anxious by the second. She looked into his eyes with a look that said “it’s okay, I understand”. She hated that he was struggling but she was glad she wasn’t the only one. The doctor came back in to take the platter back and was pleased to see that she ate it all. The doctor asked how she was feeling and she told them what they wanted to hear. Sam wanted her to be honest but knew that it needed to be her choice. Grace saw Sam silently overthinking and told the doctor to wait. 

“I- I didn’t keep it down,” she said quietly. 

“Was someone supervising you?” the doctor asked, confused as to how this happened. 

“I made some excuse, convinced them I’d be okay for a few moments.” 

“Okay, at some point we’ll need to discuss your options. You’re above 18 so we can’t force you into anything, but we’d recommend some further steps you can take to fight this.” 

Grace nodded at the doctor and they left the room. As the doctor was leaving, Castiel and Dean re-entered the room. Dean checked in on Grace to make sure she was okay, he still had no reason to believe that Sam was struggling. Castiel sat awkwardly next to Sam and he chuckled slightly. 

“What?” Castiel said, noticing his tension. 

“You guys have fun?” 

“I’m not sure I understand,” the angel responded with no expression. 

Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean, Castiel’s ignorance was quite amusing. Castiel continued to look around trying to make sense of Sam’s comment. Dean asked Sam how Grace was doing, Sam summarised how she was feeling but concluded with, “she’s stronger than she thinks.” 

Sam tapped his hand against his leg anxiously, he needed a fix. He knew that he couldn’t leave alone without Grace noticing, so he asked Dean if he wanted to go and get some lunch. Dean agreed, he figured that Castiel probably wanted to talk to Grace alone. Grace gave Sam a look as he was leaving and he quickly averted his gaze away from her. He and Dean headed to the café to get sandwiches. Dean asked the lady behind the counter if they had pie, ready to get his flirt on. 

“Sorry, we’re out for the day,” she replied. Dean tried to remain calm and looked to Sam for answers. He shrugged and picked out an egg salad sandwich for himself. Dean looks at the wraps and sandwiches with disgust and sits next to Sam, deciding against having a healthy lunch. 

“Dean, can I-” Sam starts, but seeing how focused Dean is on the wraps, stops himself. 

“Hmm?” Dean turned to Sam, as though snapping out of a trance. 

“Don’t worry,” Sam sighs. Part of him wanted to open up to Dean, the other part of him was glad he wasn’t paying attention. He patted Dean on the shoulder as he got up, moving his way back to the ward. Dean joined after mourning the lack of pie for a few seconds longer. Sam finished his sandwich and told Dean to meet him back at the room. Dean was still vacant and didn’t notice Sam was leaving until he was gone. Sam walked as fastly as he could to a hidden area outside. He set up a demon trap and performed a summoning of two demons. He drank them both dry, hid their bodies in a bush and walked back inside. He hurried to the men’s toilets to wash his face. He turned the tap on in the sink and splashed water onto his face. He stared at his face in the mirror, water tainted pink dripping from his face. He heard someone approaching the toilets and quickly wiped his face. 

“Sam, are you okay? You’ve been a while,” Castiel asked as he walked in. 

“Yeah Cas,” he was cut off before he could make an excuse. 

“Sam, something isn’t right with you. Somethi-” Castiel suddenly recognised what it was. But that couldn’t be right, unless... 

“What were you doing, Sam?” 

“Nothing, just-” 

“Drinking more demon blood? Why would you do that?” 

Sam froze, he hated that Castiel could see right through him. In this moment, he wished he wasn’t a celestial being. He couldn’t find anything to say, he just stood in panic mode. He made a move for the door and Castiel grabbed his arm forcefully. Sam tried to pull it away but his grip was too strong. Castiel pressed his fingers against Sam’s forehead and he fell unconscious.


End file.
